As you may know, I’m a big fan of Penn & Teller’s Showtime series, Penn & Teller: Bullshit!, in which the trickster duo exposes, rips apart, and generally makes fun of various nonsense: mediums who claim to talk to the dead, acupuncturists, feng shui consultants, other new-age practitioners, self-help gurus, conspiracy theorists, big-foot hunters, politicians…

This is a sordid world in which huckstering pseudo-scientists—with just enough truth to appear plausible—prey on the fears, inadequacies, and delusions of innocent people, for money. And watching these jerk-wads rake in the cash, I’m overtaken by a single, unmistakable conviction—

I am so in the wrong line of work!

I mean, I’m a writer, a storyteller, at least as good a storyteller as they are. Why should I be starving, teetering on the edge of bankruptcy? Why shouldn’t I be raking in mountains of moolah?

So here’s my new ad campaign, adapted and ripped off from the best bullshitters in the business. After reading the following, you’ll see why you should immediately buy all my books and give me all your money. Trust me: you’ll be better off if you do. Here’s why.

Well, here’s an idea they haven’t done yet, but which they ought to do, because it’s tailor-made for this show:

(UPDATE: They did an episode about polygraphs shortly after I wrote this post. Their research team, I’m sure, had already been hammering out the details when this post went live. Interestingly, they never got to most of the points I mention here. I guess lie detecting really is a huge load of bullshit.)

Lie Detectors

Some interesting, angering, and inspiring tidbits I ran across this weekend:

Do you think that Sunni and Shi’a fight, have fought since forever, can do nothing except fight? Think again! Guest blogger at Informed Comment, Sumbul Ali-Karamali, author of The Muslim Next Door: The Qur’an, the Media, and That Veil Thing, posts an eye-opening article: Sunni and Shi’a have not historically fought; in fact, they have more respect for each other than some Christians and Jews.

Video! I’m a huge fan of Penn and Teller. Half-ashamedly love their show Penn and Teller: Bullshit!, especially the political episodes. (Even the one on Mount Rushmore.) Penn Jillette posted a “Penn Says” video talking about Bob Barr and Wayne Root, and why he probably would not be formally supporting them, and someone called him on his cell phone right in the middle of filming. And if that doesn’t convince you to watch, he also has no shirt on.