Okay, you knew that I was eventually going to write this post, didn’t you?

The first rule about writing sex scenes is that you have to know your audience, and that there are no hard-and-fast rules. At least that’s what I’ve come to conclude, because different people’s tastes vary widely. Some readers enjoy erotica–or at least a steamy romance in which sex serves as a suitable proxy for emotional connection. Others detest any story that has any sex in it whatsoever. Most are somewhere in between.

The reason for these wide differences in reaction is because of the nature of sex. Sex itself is just a biological function, a physical act, like eating or peeing. That’s why many people, including me, find raw sex scenes even more boring than The Alchemist.[*] And that’s the primary reason I’ve never really gotten into erotica. But sex is also one of the most powerful and profound human activities, because we link it with a wide variety of deep emotional needs, including our need for attention, emotional and physical intimacy, family stability and security, status, and even spiritual growth.

So how you treat sex scenes will depend on how you think about sex. And in the following tips for writing “interesting” sex scenes, most likely, they’re about how to make them interesting to me. Know your readers; use your own judgement.